Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
