Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
