Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
