i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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