I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
