Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
How's work?
Spinning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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