Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
