My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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