so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
