but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
