Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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