Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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