Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
