you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
