so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
