:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
