is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
