Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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