Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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