a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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