The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
