he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize