if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
