I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
