Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
