Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
