Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
