You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
