I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
