I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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