i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
