meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
