It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
