he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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