i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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