why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
