I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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