so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
