Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....