I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.