All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
