Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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