Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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