I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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