dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
