Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
