i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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