Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
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DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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