It's like God shit irony all over that family
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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