I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
