I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
