Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just lost a toe
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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