so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
