i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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