I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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