Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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