Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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