I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
