Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
