I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
