I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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