This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
