handjob tips. give me some.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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