u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
