I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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